what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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