Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
