Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
