Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize