I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
We smell like vodka and hangover
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
