you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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