just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Randomize