i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
