My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
