girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
