The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
