I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
we should paint friendship bongs
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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