they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
