John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
