If i come over, it means nothing
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
