you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
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