and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
