We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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