yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
