She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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