I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
