shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Houston, we have a squirter
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
