just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
