He disabled his match.com account in front of me
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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