Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
