A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
