Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize