Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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