in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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