This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
