It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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