You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
