Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize