I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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