Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
