Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
