at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
