HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
found the other keg... it's in the tree
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
