Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
