yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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