my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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