sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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