Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
