Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
