When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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