I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
