Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
