i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Come back. Shots need mouths.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
