Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize