Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
the liver wants what the liver wants
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize