Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
