omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
