I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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