The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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