So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
