your parents love me but you hate me
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
