I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
