Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
sex in a hospital.. check
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
