Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
she peed on how many people?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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