My sheets look like a crime scene.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
