I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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