i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I got inside last night via doggy door
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
