the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
