i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
