she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
